Wednesday, 1 December 2010

Not So Inspirational

Well, I did it.  My first attempt at C25K week 2 was completed today.  I did finish...but I'm not gonna lie, I just BAARELY eeped through the running and I didn't finish my cool down.  I blame my post-work exhaustion for it.  The past few days have been rough for me.  I had a ridiculously nonstop day yesterday that started at 5:30am and didn't end until 9:30pm.  Then, around 2am, my husband decided to toss and turn in his sleep until the ass crack of dawn when I finally poured myself back out of bed to do it all again today, minus the late evening.  So "tired" really doesn't cover the feeling that hit me mid-way through the C25K run this afternoon, if you know what I mean.  Anyway though, I DID finish the running portion and I only cut the cool down period by about 2 minutes.  Can't complain.

The late evening yesterday was because I had to stay on the outskirts of town after work to catch a WW meeting.  I usually go to a Saturday morning meeting at a location close to my home, but I wanted to hear my leader explain the new PointsPlus program to me before I leave to go out of town this weekend, which meant going to a location near my work and about 45 minutes from my home.  I didn't want to drive all the way home after work, just to turn around and head back the way I'd come for the meeting so I decided to hit up the Curves gym on the outskirts of town too, to pass the time.  Apparently (I'm just learning about all the Curves rules) you have to fill out your life story any time you want to go to a Curves that isn't your regular location.  So, it came up that I was just about to lose my 100th pound and the employee there really started gushing over it.  Which is nice, but to be honest, it feels pretty strange to hear people call me an "inspiration."

In my WW meeting each week my leader usually asking me to "say something inspirational" to the rest of the people there before the meeting closes.  I usual fumble over whatever exercise I've done, or food disaster I managed to avoid.  But, now more and more people are using this word..."inspiration."  I don't really get it though because if I were really "so inspirational," wouldn't there be more people around me jumping on the WW band wagon and losing weight?  Cause, that really hasn't happened.  I've invited several people to come to meetings with me who have declined on numerous occasions.  And, the crowd at my meetings is steady in numbers, but not so much consistent in personal attendance.

The way I see it, people really mean to be saying I'm a freak.  I'm an anomaly.  Something that doesn't happen often enough to be taken lightly.  That, I'm okay with.  That, I get.  And, I'd much rather hear whispers now of, "She's lost 100 lbs."  Than the whispers from before of, "She must weight like 400lbs."  I guess what I'm trying to say is that, I'm really not so inspirational and for the first time in my life, I'm enjoying being a freak of nature. :)

I cannot possibly convey in words how RIDICULOUSLY excited I am to see my sister on Friday.  I remember going to see her 80lbs ago and almost worrying myself sick that I would have to buy an extra plane seat because I was so fat.  I didn't have to, but the worry ate at me for days before my departure.  I'm so happy that I'm not even the slightest bit concerned about the seating situation on my flight Friday.  It will probably be the most comfortable flight I've ever been on.  I may even be able to get the tray table all the way into my lap instead of having to rest it on my stomach...  I'll tell you all about it.  I'm sure you want to know...

PS: I got my name on the board at my Curves...'Course I'm stoked.  I've always like being a teacher's pet...

1 comment:

  1. That's an interesting observation: that if you were TRULY inspirational, people around you would be making the same changes.

    It's also true, though, that we don't make changes until we're ready to, until we've taken the ownership of whatever the issue is. So, people can look at you and say, "Wow, how inspiring!!" without making the decision to let your example lead them.

    So you can be inspirational without actually inspiring changes, if that makes any sense. Your inspiration is there, for anyone ready to make the changes. And who knows what impact you're having on someone's mindset. Maybe you're cracking open the door of possibility in someone's mind, but they won't be all the way there for another three years.

    Who knows? Meantime, you're doing something amazing for yourself. By now, with all the positive changes you've made, you can be your own inspiration!!



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