Thursday, 1 December 2011

Watching the clock

Decided to skip the Thanksgiving post since it's the 1st of December already!  Time is seriously FLYING by me right now.

My new goal is for my husband's company Christmas party on the 10th.  All I want is to be able to fit comfortably in my "skinny" jeans.  They fit now, but are snug.  I think if I can lose around 5 lbs between now and then, I'll be in good shape.  Well, figuratively, not literally. 

Literally, I can see that I've slacked on my workouts.  I don't have the variety of options that I did before (no weight training right now), though I've been exercising pretty regularly for the past few weeks.  I'm not going as hard as I was before.  I can see that I'm softer and jigglier in places that I wasn't before.  I'm thankful for that though, because before I lost weight I was jiggly and soft all the time.LOL  Now at least my body is not so disfigured with fat and I can actually notice even the smaller changes ten pounds up or down can make.  Right now I'm just trying to get through my 30 minutes on the elliptical with a positive attitude even though I'm really not feeling "into it."  Hulu Plus on my phone helps a lot. LOL  I'd like to get back into the gym, but I left the gym job and just don't feel comfortable there right now.  I'm considering changing my membership to the YMCA because they offer a lot more classes in a lot more variety.  But, that means that I'll be on my own for awhile, with no one I know there.  ...Maybe for the new year.

I've been cutting back dramatically on what I eat during the day, since during the evening I seem to want to eat until I can't anymore.  Yesterday I had a 3.5 oz greek yogurt for breakfast, green beans and a mean green smoothie for lunch, and then I got home and had sushi for dinner (vegetable maki-8 pieces) with grilled vegetable dumplings (6), some chips and fake nacho cheese, and a piece of cake. *sigh*  It seems to be working because I'm down on the scale, but I would rather be able to say I had more self control and was eating regular healthy meals.  On the other hand, I'm still learning what works for ME and that does not have to be what works for anyone else.

The reality that I will struggle with this eating and exercising thing my whole life is really depressing me.  It's exhausting to constantly be thinking about what  I'm going to eat or what I'm not going to eat and when am I going to exercise, and will it be enough.  I can't help but think of food as "good" or "bad" because I fight SO much with my portion sizes.  Why can't I stop thinking about eating just for a few days?  I just wish I could be one of those people that goes about their day like food doesn't exist and only eats when it's necessary and only enough to sustain them for awhile.  I don't want to be all "whoa is me", but it's just something I'm feeling beaten down by lately.  I know I've come a long way and that I'm still technically winning the war.  I'm just tired of fighting for it.  Can't the enemy just give up?

Don't mean to leave on a negative note, but some days honesty is all I have.  Going to go shower and watch the clock tick by until it's lunch and time to eat again...

Sunday, 27 November 2011

If it makes you happy. It can't be that bad...

I'm so appreciative of all your comments and "welcome backs."  I even teared up a bit from a few of them.  I guess it's easy for me to forget that I don't have to be perfect to be liked. :)

I was thinking about it a lot last night and realizing that the "Evolution of Me" implies nothing at all about just my weight.  I always meant this to be a blog about my life and pursuing the things that make me happy.  I got caught up in the weight loss for awhile and some how forgot that there are so many other things I do!!

Lately with Christmas coming, I've been making gifts for my friends and family.  Did you know I crochet?
This is for my new niece's 1st Christmas gift from her Auntie Coco. :)

Checkerboard.  The pieces are hidden in a crocheted envelope in the back.

Dove ornament.

Lariet necklace.

Punkin Hat.

Santa Hat
Lap blanket that will go inside a previously made tote packed for the movie theater.
I've been working on these projects since September or so and I still have two more in the works (cupcakes and an infinity scarf.)  I feel a lot of pride for them.  Each project is a lesson in persistence pays off.  Each tiny little knot is part of something beautiful. :)

I've tried knitting a few times, but as yet, I just don't love it as much as I love crochet.

I've also been baking for my family.  Losing weight or not, real food made with love is a magical experience and I always feel great sharing the simple pleasures of pumpkin bread (my secret recipe) with my loved ones.


My Thanksgiving was great, too.  Maybe I'll post about that tomorrow.  ...Just trying to get back into the swing of things.  I'm so grateful for you all!

Saturday, 26 November 2011

You're My Therapy

I've taken some time out from blogging and it hasn't been until recently that I realized why I suddenly became disinterested in it.

You see, I am a born leader.  I'm smart, organized and logistical, and people often seek out my advice.  There are many things in my life that I've led from start to finish.  I don't mean to brag, it's just the truth.  I am a confident woman in most things.  I am strong and able and well respected in my community.  Many people tell me they find me to be intimidating.  It's true.  I'm polite, but blunt and not afraid of confrontation, and I've never been shy about telling people what I believe to be true and right. 

I'm telling you that so that I can tell you this; I don't often expose to the world the things I'm not confident about.  And I hate to admit when I am not exercising self control over something in my life.  It feels like failure to me.  It feels like the opposite of success.  And when I feel that way, it's hard to handle the pressure of knowing that people are looking to you as an example.

Make no doubts about it.  I've never lied to you.  I am a food ADDICT.  I am sure that I will live the rest of my life struggling to maintain a healthy relationship with food and my weight because of it.  I'm noticing that when (and I say "when", not "if") I relapse into bad and unhealthy habits, my tendency is to hide it.  To put on a front and talk about what I know to be the "right" answer instead.  Occasionally I am able to admit that I'm struggling, but I'm not often inclined to discuss my discrepancies.

I'm going to change that.  It's time for me to take a step back from being a leader.  I hope you'll let me.  What I need here right now, is a place that I can come and lay it all out on the table for you to see.  I won't be writing posts in an attempt to inspire or motivate.  I will be coming here to keep a diary of my struggle.  I'm looking forward to a chance to gain some hindsight and humility.

That being said, here are the cards I'm holding right now; I've been bouncing between 173lbs and 185 lbs since June.  I eat too much most days right now and have only just recently (in the past two weeks) guilted myself back into exercising.  My pants are tight and I can see that my body is not as lean as it was before.  I refuse to buy pants in a bigger size.  I am desperately clawing to regain some control right now.  It's very frustrating.  I'm fighting with the urge to eat hourly.  I'm not interested in cooking my own meals and most of what I'm eating is frozen dinners and tuna.  Not a whole lot of fresh foods.  And, I eat too much of it, too.

The good news?  Even though I eat too much of it, the foods I'm choosing now (frozen meals included) are still MUCH healthier options than what I would have picked two years ago before I started this journey.  I have not jumped off the deep end into fast food.  So there is progress in my disease and I'm thankful for that and proud of myself for it.  It still feels great to be within 30 lbs of my goal weight, knowing how far I've come.  And, though I can definitely see the difference between my lowest weight of 173lbs and my current weight of 183lbs, I still like how I look in photos, again knowing how far I've come.

So there you have it.  I am a recovering addict.  Some days are harder than others.  Lately, it's been mostly bad days, and I am battling hard.  That doesn't make me any less of a person to admit my weakness.  (I'm telling myself this).  No one is perfect.  We are all human and we all struggle with various things in our lives.  I am struggling with being too forgiving of myself ("C., you've come a long way, enjoy it!"), and playing my own drill sergeant ("C., it's one thing to maintain your weight, it's another thing to gain, and you're gaining so get it TOGETHER!")

I could go on and on with the mind fuck I've been playing with myself, but this post has gotten long enough.  I know you're all there to support me.  But I think mostly I just need to commiserate a bit.  Misery loves company, you know.  Thanks for being there. <3

Thursday, 6 October 2011

October Goals

It has been a week of struggling, but I feel like I've turned a corner and am really beginning to gain momentum.  I'm making good choices and am getting back into exercising now that my back is really starting to feel better.

October and November are my favorite months and they just happen to be back to back.  They also happen to have some of my very FAVORITE activitives.  For the next several weekends I will be at a Fall Fest, a seafood festival, and our local fair is in town (and I WON tickets!).  All of these functions have rides, which is AWESOME since now I can fit in them!! :oD

So the goals are like so:

1.  Save my food splurges this month for something I won't have access to for awhile.  (i.e.; fair food on a stick.)  You all know how I feel about food on a stick...

2.  To maintain my goal to stay within the 170's.  The LOWER end of that would be nice, but I'm not going to make it hard for myself with all the activities coming up.

3.  To get back to exercising 4-5 days a week.  Now that my back is better, it's time!

The reason I'm doing this is because:

1.  I want to look good in my halloween costume- which involves a form fitting dress.
2.  I want to look good in Hubby and I's Christmas card picture (appt is in Nov.)
3.  I want to look good for our anniversary trip (also in Nov.)
4.  I want to feel good about my body.
5.  I want to feel good about my choices.
6.  I want to make sure I stay healthy so I don't have to miss out on any of my favorite things!

I have to morning off of work today and hope to spend it shopping!!  And getting my flu shot...ugh.  I've got to finish my halloween costume, hit up the craft store, and maybe the dollar store, too.  OH!  And did you know it's only 78 days to Christmas?!  I've really got to start getting ready!!

How are you all doing?  Several new readers in the past few days.  HI!!  WELCOME!!  I'm so glad you're here and THANK YOU for the inspriation and motivation to stay on my journey.  All my reader that have been around from the start, XOXOXOXOXOXOX!! <3

Thursday, 29 September 2011

Good News!

Left: 7/25/11 before- mild scoliosis.  Right: 09/27/11 after- "normal"

Good news!  New xrays of my back show GREAT improvement!  In fact, my scoliosis is almost non-existent at this point!!  The pain I'm feeling is my muscles trying to get used to their new position, especially on the left where they are being pulled almost two extra inches! 

So, still lots of back pain, (really doesn't feel like just muscles, though!) but I went back to exercising today.  Only did one circuit and didn't really push myself at all, but it felt good...

Been eating right this whole week and the scale is a reflection of my effort.  Had a picture snapped of me today without me know that showed my whole body profile (from the side) and I liked what I saw.  I'm glad I'm hard on myself because I never want to go back to being any further from a healthy weight than I am now.  But, it's nice to be reminded of how far I've come!

I'm working 60 hours a week these days with the kids and the gym job and I'm mostly loving it.  Lots of money coming in to pay off my student loan and save for retirement.  But also enjoying some luxuries.  I've hired a house keeper twice a month because I just don't have the time to do more than tidying right now, and I don't want to spend the few hours I do find in my week scrubbing floors and toilets.  Hubby tries to pitch in, but his cleaning standards and mine are pretty far apart. :)

Been treating myself to a massage every other week, too.  Mostly because I'll do anything to make my back feel better, but they are very relaxing and luxurious.

I've started arranging for a week long vacation in November.  It will be our 4th wedding anniversary (but 13 years together...wow, just realized that's half my life!!)  Anyway, hubby and I have an active out-doors weekend planned and I'm going to take the rest of the week to do whatever the hell I want for a little while. LOL  Looking forward to it!

Lots of wonderful comments from my last post, and several of them asked for advice and inspiration.  It feels weird to think of my humble stumble to the other side of the scale as an inspiration, but I certainly don't mind telling you about a few things I feel I've learned along the way.

1.  Motivation and willpower aren't enough.  I've learned that most the people I know (including myself) who are or were obese, have forgotten just HOW much control we have over the food we fuel our bodies with.  Yes, I know that the voice to eat is LOUD and it NEVER shuts up!  But we can harden ourselves against it.  We can learn how to ignore it for longer and longer periods of time.  Start with an hour!  Make a commitment that for the next hour, you will stick to your eating plan and health goals.  If you can achieve that and your feeling brave, try it for two hours and see what happens.  Before you know it, the eating voice gets the volume turned down on it and the voice to get out and go and DO something with your life other than eat, starts talkin' louder!!  Even two years later, I still don't win every day.  I still struggle... A LOT.  But that's what has worked for me so far. 

2.  People who achieve their goals are not perfect, they are just persistent.

Force be with you! :)

Sunday, 25 September 2011

Set Backs

Gosh I put a ton of pressure on myself to be perfect.  I then get down on myself when I'm not.  WTF all or nothing attitude?!  I thought I'd already delt with you...

Truth is I've got a case of the "I'll start again on Monday" 's.

I've been allowing my busy schedule and worsening back pain derail my healthy plans.  Explanations or excuses, I'm not certain what catagories they fall into, but I DO know that I cannot allow them to become longterm issues.  I need to work around them.

I'm holding at the top of my "in the 170's" goal right now- without any leeway.  I am in the red zone and about to blow it!  I am not able to exercise right now due to the back pain, and therefore I will have to maintain my weight with my diet alone.  Which, of coure is VERY difficult for me!!

SO- I'm struggling right now.  And, it won't be the last time.  Right now I'm just trying to figure it out.  I know that I'm not the only one doing so, and that of course gives me strength.  Hope that for anyone else out there, reading my honesty here will tell you that you're not alone! :)

Saturday, 10 September 2011

Finally a day off!!

HEeeeeeelllloooooo *echos*(Helloo...helllooo)

Is anyone out there??  (outthere...outhere)

Well...I'm just gonna start typing and I hope ya'll can hear me...

Do I really need to tell you I've been gone and busy lately?

You know that already...

I dropped the gym diet like it was HOT two days ago.  I hated it for 3 whole weeks and kept coming up with more reasons I didn't like it.  So, eff it!  Life's too short!  So, I weighed in at my Weight Watchers meeting this morning, went grocery shopping this afternoon and will be happily back to counting my points on Monday.  YIPPEE!

I am going to try to maintain my weight.  I am not interested in losing more right now.  My new goal is to maintain a weight in the 170's for the next 6 months or so.  If at that time I decide to lose more, than I will.  But for now, I just want to learn to be satisfied with the body I have. :)

I like how I look.  I think clothes look nice on me.  I get lots of compliments on the things I wear and how I look.  I get flirted with a lot.  (I'm married of course, but it's nice to be admired!)  I feel like my body is strong and able.  My health is good.  I am happy with the foods I eat. 

People who reach their ideal weight aren't perfect, they are just persistent! 

Because I promised- here are a few pictures from the wedding!!
Me and the Bride, my best friend. Sept 2011

Me and my Best friend at MY wedding in November, 2007.
 
My mother in law and I.
My Mom and I at my wedding in Nov 2007.

Me and Hubby- Best friends wedding Sept 2011

Me and Hubby at our wedding rehearsal in November, 2007

Me and Hubby at Best Friend's wedding Sept, 2011

Me and Hubby at our wedding in November 2007.

I look great, right?!  I know!  That's what I said when I saw them, too! :o)  Hope you all are doing great!!

Wednesday, 24 August 2011

Take Two...

So, I know I said I would write about the new diet- oh- two weeks ago or so...but...

Well, that just didn't happen.  I guess I'm not inspired to write about a program I probably wouldn't advocate to my friends.  The new diet IS "working" in the way that I've lost about 11 pounds in 2 weeks.  My biggest gripe is that their "vegetarian" menu is choke full of convenience items and that lunch and dinner must have a "meat" option.  There are very few meals that I can choose from that do not have some form of commercially prepared frozen meat alternative.  Don't get me wrong, when you need fast and easy, you can't beat a quick heat-and-eat meal.  But, if there's one thing I've learned along this journey, it's that I really believe that eating healthy means you actually have to COOK sometimes- using ingredients that were GROWN.  This new diet touts that it is geared toward the woman doing strength training 4 times a week.  Which, is absolutely me and then some.  I do know that I need protein to build muscle and lose fat, but I think that the amount of protein recommended is far more than most people need. 

I've plugged the new diet's menu into my WW tracker online and pointswise- I'm eating about the same amount of food with FAAAAAR fewer options.  Thank goodness this new diets' duration is only 90 days!  My coach for the new diet says that the idea is that after 90 days, this "new" way of eating should be a habit and that people will continue to make the right choices.  PUHLEASE!!!  My coach is also a size 0-2 and has never had a problem with her weight or eating habits.  It's hard for me not to roll my eyes!  I've been eating healthier for 2 years and still can't trust my "habits" without gaining!

Diets asside, I am LOVING my body lately.  I'm really seeing some great muscle definition and I was even complimented on my legs in the store the other day. :oD  Right now I am finding some way to excersize every day and also making in an effort to earn 10,000 steps a day.  I hate pedometers (I think they are all crapp-ily manufactured and reset themselves and are not always accurate), but it's good to know that on average, I'm meeting that recommended goal.

The move is this weekend and my house is TRASHED.  Boxes everywhere, stuff strewn about.  If someone walked in, they'd think a tonado had come through...  And, then weekend after that we're headed out of state for that wedding I've been talking about for months.  I'm getting excited about that becuase I will be seeing a lot of my friends from high school who have only ever seen me FAT.  I know I'm going to look AWESOME in the dress I bought (from Goodwill) and I will be sure to post pictures.

Off to the chiropractor before work with the kiddies. <3

Saturday, 13 August 2011

Back to the Present

Gosh- I feel like I've been gone a long time!  I know you're all sick of the "updates" post and are ready to be pulled back into the loop of my life. 

Time is flying by here and I've been working VERY hard!  I'll try to make this quick and painless so that we can jump back into the present without an hour long recap:

My Weight
For 30 days (July 12 to Aug 12) I decided to go "off plan."  I've learned a lot of new habits and I wanted to see how far I could get depending on them instead of the scale.  Well, the short answer is that I gained 8 lbs in 30 days.  I won't replay the horror of it, but I basically ate whatever I wanted in quantities untold.  Sooo...can't trust those habits yet.  Good test though, learned something about myself. :)

Anyway, this past Monday, I started the new diet plan the gym job is rolling out to the public as we speak.  I don't want to go into too much detail because I signed a confidentiality agreement with the gym, but I will say...I'm hating it so far.  I'm not sure if I'm just tainted with the WW mindset or what, but I'm now finishing the first week of the diet and I feel like I've been hungry for a year.  Also, this new diet is just that, a DIET.  You are only supposed to use it for 3 month increments.  So, obviously not a long term, life changing program like WW is.  And who likes to DIET?  Certainly not this previously obese blogger!  I'm sticking it out for as long as I can stand to, but I can't WAIT to get back to tracking points! :)

MY LIFE
The end of this month hubby and I are moving.  He's decided to go back to school and so we will be downsizing from our 950sq ft two bedroom 1.5 bath to a 750sq ft loft apartment.  It's in the same community and all, we are just moving around the corner basically.  It's a place Bean and I walk by three times a day.  Unfortunately, these particular apartments fly out the door like hotcakes in our college town, so we've signed into it without actually having SEEN it.  Well, no, that's not true.  We saw one 6 years ago when we were looking for the apartment we live in right now.  So I have a VERY vague recollection of the floor plan.  Needless to say, I've sold just about ALL of our old HUGE furniture and replaced it this past month (mostly through craigslist ads) with different furniture.  I've replaced the couch, the coffee and end tables, and the entertainment center- and even the rug.  And that's just the living room. 

Speaking of Hubby, he loves his new job.  It's simple, blue collar work, for just about decent pay, and he has really fallen in with a great group of guys and made friends quickly.  He is like a whole new person!  I've known how wonderful it is to LIKE to go to work in the morning for years and now I'm thrilled he is feeling the same.  I feel like we are turning a corner in our lives right now with all the change happening.  It's exciting!

Last week, the dentist removed two very loose baby teeth from 5-year-old.  Her new toothless smile melts my heart because she looks so grown up!  She is not a baby anymore, now she is a young lady.  *sigh* Tuesday is the start of the school year here.  5-year-old will be attending Kindergarten.  It will be the first "all day" school she has attended.  We are all a bit anxious about it- though it's kind of silly because even if it's terrible and she hates every minute of it, she will still have to go.LOL  I don't think she will hate every minute of it, just maybe the first month or two... 

1-year-old walks now and is into EVERYTHING.  He is on the brink of his first words and I'm wondering if it might not be "Not in there," "No-no", "Close that", or "No climbing."  ;o)  He is definitely begining to understand phrases like, "Go outside?", "Want to eat?", and "Oh-no!"  He is also starting to gesture and point to things he wants.  He likes to eat food with a fork or spoon, but doesn't have the dexterity to get the food onto the utensil, so he will take the bite of food off of it and hand it back to me so that I can put more food on it. LOL  There isn't anything he won't eat, but his favorite are blueberries.  He also prefers now to use a straw or cup over having a bottle or sippy cup.

Because of school starting, my nanny schedule changes - I go in earlier and leave later.  This, and the fact that I will be spending 3 hours a week in the chiropractor's office for at least the next 90 days, means that it's even harder to schedule me at the gym job.  Can't say I'm too sad about it.  I'm not sure I'm still the right fit for that job.  It's changing in a direction I just don't see myself going.  Lots of sales and promoting.  I'm still willing to see how it plays out at this point, but I'm thinking it may have run it's course.  Life is TOO short to do something you hate!

So tomorrow is my only day off for 10 days, next week school starts, and I move into the second week of a diet I don't really like (at least for now), I'll be spending most of my free time packing this up for the new apartment or to go into storage, at the end of this month we are moving, and then 5 days after that we are going out of state for 5 days to attend a wedding.  Then we will come back home for a week before receiving my cousins as guests in our new place for the weekend of our family reunion.

SHew!!  I'm tired just writing it out!  My life is really going 60 miles and hour right now.  It feels good to be busy and I'm happy I can keep up the pace, but I know it can't last too long!  I'm really hoping to see my calendar clear up around the end of September and try to keep it that way until after the Holidays.  Can you believe they're right around the corner?!

Tomorrow I will be back to talk more about the diet.  I'm going to try as hard as I can to keep up with the blog during this crazy time- but you all might end up with a lot of really short post. :)  I'm going to try to get more into posting pictures again.  You guys have been so patient with me and I'm so lucky to still have you around!

Friday, 5 August 2011

CRIZ-AZZY Schedule

My program started with the Chiropractor on Thursday.  I will spend 3 times a week for at least the next 90 days in his office.  I will be doing decompression therapy, getting adustments, laying on traction tables, or spending time bound up on the scoliosis table (shown below.)  I really enjoy the adjustments from the doctor.  When he adjusts my back and neck I feel SO much better.  I can almost immediately feel flushed with blood and endorphins to my brain and spine.  Sounds dramatic, but it's wonderful.  I HATE the scoliosis table because it's face down and the legs move up and down, which not only runs my face into the padding, but the updo movement creates friction so that I end up with really pink cheeks.
Scoliosis Table- I do have legs, but they are low and to my left.LOL
I'm worried about how my schedule is filling up so quickly now with the addition of having to fit in 45 minutes with the Chiropractor 3 times a week.  School starts for 5-year-old on the 16th which will mean that I work 35 hours with the kids Monday-Thursday, I work another 10-12 hours at the gym job a week.  With that, I'm starting the new "Weight loss" program at the gym as a guinea pig on Monday, so it will take me time to learn about all of that.  So needless to say- I'm a busy bee right now.

My life is in such transition right now- and very little of it has to do with my weightloss journey.  Not that it isn't important, it is!  And I will achieve my goal weight of 150lbs, but it is very hard to stay focused on that when so many other things demand my attention.  It's a whole new learning experience to have to juggle my diet in such a busy time!  I'm hoping the new program that I will be starting at the gym will be easy to follow and quick to learn!  Wish me luck!

Friday, 29 July 2011

Just some Updating

I'm sorry it's been so long since I posted.  I just got caught up in the moments of life and I've been living them wholeheartedly.

I've been seriously enjoying my "No weigh-ins for 30 days."  I am sure I have gained some weight, but I'm not concerned about it.  I'll lose it again, as this is a life long journey.  I know there will be plenty of times that I will gain weight in the coming years.  As long as I don't let it get out of control and stay mindful, it will be fine.  I'm more concerned about how tough it will be to refocus!

Which brings me to a new program I am going to be trying for awhile.  I know you all know that Weight Watchers is my go-to.  I LOVE WW, I truly believe it saved my life.  But, the gym-job is rolling out a new program and my manager has asked if I would be a guinea pig for it, since so many of our members find my story inspiring.  I said sure, I would give it a try.  The weight loss "phase" lasts 90 days.  I told my manager that I would reassess how I felt about it after 3 weeks.  If I didn't like it, or if I wasn't seeing the same results WW was giving me, I would stop and go back to WW.  I will do a post about it when it starts. :)

Now for the bad news.  Remember all those aches and pains and injuries I have been having?  Well I finally put 2 and 2 together and saw a chiropractor who diagnosed scoliosis and reverse c-spine.  The scoliosis forces my hips out of alignment and I've been carrying around 30 lbs more on my right side than my left.  It also creates lots of pinched nerves that give me shooting pains or numbness.  The reverse c-spine is also a barrel full of problems.  So i will be spending lots of time on a traction table in the coming months to try and get it all straightened out.

Just a quick update so you all don't feel neglected.  I've missed you, but I hope you'll know I'm having fun living in the moment right now.  I'll be back to business after the dust settles a bit and tell you all about it!

Saturday, 16 July 2011

Creation to Creator

I wrote this several years ago and still play it to myself on days when I'm not feeling at the top of my game.  A blog friend wrote for me and I thought this might return the favor.  You know who you are. :)

Creation to Creator

You claimed inspiration in every desire
when you began dreaming of me.
You even knew the path I'd serve
before I came to be.

You planned, crafted, modeled and molded
a perfect masterpiece.
Then started me in childhood
to learn about bloodied knees.

You picked me up, dusted me off,
added dimples and rosy cheeks.
Then adolescence knocked me down
and heartache filled those peaks.

You shaped and contoured, shadowed and lined
each wrinkle and every crease.
Yet ended up with a woman, impatient with life
who quietly lacked self esteem.

You, Maker, did right in creating perfection
in all that is unseen.
Unfortunately beauty is only skin deep
in the greater creation of apathy.

But though I may be bruised, Lord-
though I may be scarred and dirty.
I hope that you'd be proud, Sir,
and still see the art in me.

xoxo,
See C.

Wednesday, 13 July 2011

Deez GUNZ!

Sunday I walked a 5k with 3 lbs hand weights (5 AP's)
Monday I worked at the gym job and completed 5 circuits including power-half-hour class. (17! AP's)
Tuesday I worked the gym job and completed 3 circuits and a Zumba class (15! AP's)

Deez gunz (ignore the hanging skin)... PRICELESS!!


Needless to say, I've been working out HARD.  My body feels great.  Really strong!!  My feet complain, but that's nothing new.  I can really tell a difference in my arms though!  The definition of muscle I'm seeing is really promising.

This morning I did a little weight lifting with kettleballs (5-year-old got in on the action- LOVE being a positive role model for her! :oD), also some side crunches and a nice and easy 30 minute work out at the spa gym this afternoon.  I warmed up with a jog, powered through the rowing machine, finished my cardio on the elliptical and did some vertical knee raises on that big steel contraption.  WTF is that thing called?  Looks like a torture device...

Pampered myself with 20 minutes in steam room and a nice long shower afterward and I'm feeling really relaxed and refreshed.  My mind is at ease with taking a break from the weight losing mentality and I'm feeling really good about the decisions I've made this week.  I hope you're all feeling good about yourselves this week, too.  It's a fantastic feeling!

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

A Learning Experience

After my last post, I've done some soul searching.  The great thing about soul searching is that nothing is set in stone.  I can change my mind as much and as often as I want.  But, I wanted to update yooz guys on what my plan is for now.

For the next 30 days, I will be taking a break from the weight-losing mentality.  Am I quitting?  NO!!  Ya'll know me better than that by now!  My hope is that I will be refreshed and ready to refocus.

I am not letting my healthy lifestyle fall to the wayside. 
I am continuing to track my food, and I am definitely going hard on the exercise and activity front. 
I am NOT weighing-in or looking at the scale for the next 30 days.

I have decided that I DO want to lose those last 25 pounds, despite the people telling me that I don't "look" like I need to lose more.  Those last two goals I posted about last are important to me, and so I will achieve them. 

Will I gain weight in the next 30 days?  I certainly hope not!  But, it might happen.  My thoughts are that in 30 days, with the plan I have, I can't image the damage will be too very severe.  Thankfully, I won't regain the 140 pounds I've lost in just 30 days.  Either way it goes (gain, lose, or maintain) I'm going to consider at learning experience.

Thanks to all of you who weighed in with your opinion.  They really did help me make the decisions I needed to make! :oD  You are the best!

Sunday, 10 July 2011

At a Crossroad...

Dropped off for a couple of days.  I'm still doing okay.  But I'm deep in thought.

I worked at the Gym job on Saturday morning and lots of ladies that I don't usually get to see in my afternoon shifts came in and commented on how great I looked and how much weight I'd lost since the last time they had seen me.  They were all astounded to hear that I still wanted to lose 25 more.  In their eyes, I looked great and was a healthy weight.  I'm not talking just one or two women.  I'm talking about 5 or 6 completely different conversations that all seemed to go the same way...

Of course it got me thinking.  Do I need to keep losing?  I have achieved all but two of my goals for weight loss. 

The first being that I wanted to be wearing a "medium" size top.  I didn't ever want to have to say, "I'm a large..." anything ever again.  I know LOTS of women at healthy weights (in my eyes) that wear a large t-shirt.  But in my head, it's called a large because that's what it is and I just didn't want to be "large" anymore.

The second being that I wanted to be considered at a healthy weight for my age and height according to the charts in the doctor's offices.  For me, that is a range between 140-160lbs.  My goal was to end up right in the middle of that range at 150lbs, giving me a bit of leeway when it came to fluctuations. 

I know that this journey should not necessarily be about the number on the scale.  I know there are many, many more factors that contribute to overall health than that.  But, I'm trying to decide how it should be judged for me.  Should I keep striving for that specific number on the scale? 

I'm certainly feeling burnt out lately when it comes to the weight loss struggle.  After making the promise not to binge for 7 days, it was all I could think about.  Cat always tells me to be be kind to myself, and I wasn't.  I was beating myself up over the urges I was having to eat.  I was saying mean things to myself, thinking mean things when I looked in the mirror.  I was trying to convince myself that I wasn't good enough for yet another reason.  I was telling myself that I would be a failure if I didn't follow through with what I said.

Always in my life I've had a hard time deciding when to be satisfied and when to push for more.  It is an on-going life lesson for me that I am very slow to learn.  I am the type of person who strives for perfection, I hate the phrase "it's good enough."  And I very seldom choose to accept less than what I originally set out for.

So I'm thinking right now.  I'm deciding to stay neutral on the topic of my weight at this point.  After almost 2 years of fighting myself at every meal, and of giving myself convincing pep-talks about goals and hopes whenever a craving strikes, I am exhausted.  I am going to continue following my Weight Watchers program simply to ensure I do not gain weight, but I think I'm going to ask not to see my weight results for awhile.  I am not going to monitor every point (or calorie) that I eat so very closely.  I am going to track, like I always have, but I'm not going to obsess over it any more.  I'm going to remain active and see if I can build more muscle and hopefully tone some of the excess skin I have.

I spoke to my mom (who is active and at a healthy weight) about my thoughts and she said she thinks I look great and pointed out that I have a lots of extra skin- which obviously contributes to the number on the scale.  And, if/when I have surgery to remove the excess skin, it's possible that I may lose 10-12 lbs of flesh.  But, with the number that is on the scale right now, that would still put me at about 166 lbs- which is still technically considered "over-weight" by the doctor's chart.  My BMI is 27.9 (which is overweight) and my body fat % was 32.7 in May (which by some is still considered obese.)  All these measurements say I still need to lose weight.  But many of the people I know seem to feel differently...

Part of the problem I'm having is seeing beyond that skin.  For some reason, when I look in the mirror, my brain tells me that that skin is fat.  My reflection is the same as when I was fat, just deflated.  But what I'm realizing now, is that if that skin were fat, I would weight A LOT more than I do.  I can see muscle under the skin.  I can see bones.  So I know that I have come a long way from where I started.  I need to spend some time trying to see the shape my body is in beneath the skin...but it's very difficult for me to see past it right now.  (Sorry, I'm just not brave enough to post a picture of the stomach side of my body.LOL)

I know that all the things I don't like about my body are because of that skin.  I had originally said that I would wait until I was 30 to have the skin removal surgery, because that's when "they" say your skin stops producing the elastic that allows your skin to retain it's shape.  Another reason I was going to wait was that if I decided to have a baby, I wouldn't want to end up with a whole new layer of excess skin.  But I'm 26 right now, and it's really difficult for me to imagine working this hard to lose the weight, and still not be able to see the real results for 4 more years.

Am I being vain?  Am I looking for excuses to quit?  Should I ignore what my friends and family are saying and continue to steam roll towards my original measurement oriented goal?  What do you all think?  I'm sure some of you have been at this impass, this crossroads...  Please weigh in... 

Thursday, 7 July 2011

Deciding to Succeed

Ugh!!  Yesterday was out of control!  Well, I was fine until the evening, after that though, I just couldn't stop eating!  It was ridiculous!  I won't go into what I ate- the list would be too long.

What I am going to do is lean on the accountability I have with you all.

I have nixed my other goals in trade for this one:

I WILL go the next 7 days without a binge.

I WILL...dammit!

It might take all my focus, but losing the weight I have will not do anything for me if I can't manage to eat a HEALTHY amount on a regular basis. 

Wish me luck!

Today has been fine- well, so far. 

No, I refuse to think that way.  I WILL succeed because that is what I have decided to do.  I will NOT binge for the next 7 days...

...dammit...

Tuesday, 5 July 2011

Exercising with an Injury

Well, I guess it's more of a "condition."  Awhile back I was diagnosed with tendonitis- among a few other associated things.  I've had problems with my legs and feet since I was an infant born with hip dysplasia that required me to spend my first year in a bilateral spica cast.  (if you're interested, google it.)  Anyway, since then I've had issues with my legs and feet; the joints, ligaments, muscles, and alignment.  Most people would never know it looking at me, but I have very weak ankles, and my feet turn in when I walk, which puts a lot of pressure in all the wrong places.  

This tendonitis occurs on the top out-side of my left foot.  The pain pulses from ankle to toes.  There are days when it doesn't bother me at all, and there are days that I go to bed early just so I can stop thinking about it.  The doctor has given me numerous orders for wrapping it, a gel pain reliever, a prescription anti-inflamatory, and even a few rounds of cortisone injections.  All of them are only temporary fixes.

Has this stopped me from going hard?  From exercising with fervor?  From running and doing jumping-jacks and other high-impact exercise?  No.  Why?  Because the thing about tendonitis is that is doesn't get better.  Not the kind I have.  No amount of rest or R.I.C.E. ing will solve my problem. 

Today is one of those days that I think I will be going to bed early.  For the third day in a row now I have walked a 5k or more, and BOY OH BOY am I feeling it.  I decided awhile ago not to take the medications (the tablet or the gel).  If I'm going to have to live with this forever, I'd rather just learn to accept it.

There may very well be a time in my life that I will need to have surgery.  For now though- it is only one more reason to lose the weight and get to a healthy place...

So for all of you out there dealing with losing weight while contending with chronic pain, probably worse than mine, please know that you're not alone.  And that every pound you lose, the better chance you have at a pain free day tomorrow.  I'm thinking about you.

Xoxo
-See C.

Sunday, 3 July 2011

Full of Endorphins

This morning started off with my hubby making me french toast (WW style) for breakfast this morning.  French toast is one of a few things that I only like when he makes it.  Guess I can taste the love?

As I was eating I was perusing through my stack of books I gathered from the library this week.  The one I picked was by Martha Stewart, and it was about organizing small spaces.  Getting new and fresh ideas makes me feel a bit less stressed and a bit more hopeful about the whole moving and down-sizing thing.  What girl doesn't like redecorating and organizing?  This one sure does...

It got me thinking about how many things I have changed in my life these past (almost) two years.  All the reorganizing I have done in my brain to get me where I am.  Clearing out mindless cobwebs from the places that hadn't been thought about for a long time.  Reorganizing my thoughts on what I can and cannot do.  Getting rid of my previous thoughts and ideas about exercise and weightloss, bringing in knowledge and information on new ways to think about it.  Making decisions on what I am and what I am not.  Fighting for what I know to be the right way, against myself who often would prefer the things the easy way.  It's exhausting just writing it, but reading gives me a sense of accomplishment.  I know I've told you all before, but I'm not kidding when I say that it is a wonderful feeling to be able to surprise even yourself with what you can achieve when you really put in the effort.  When people say "What you've done is amazing!" , I always answer, "Believe me, no one is more surprised than I am."

Headspace at Idle to Idol is coming across this realization this week, too.  He is my favorite blog this week hands-down.  His honesty in his posts can be almost overwhelming in the truth he has managed to put into words.  I find myself nodding to the screen like, "Word!  That's what I been thinking and feeling and you just laid it all out, easy as pie!"  Please go and check him out.  He's lost 60 pounds in his journey so far, while still going to school!

So when I finished with breakfast I began going through the drawers and cabinets and closets again.  This has become a kind of weekly ritual to continue to declutter and get rid of things that I don't think we will use or need.  I've been selling some things off on craigslist and have been saving the money to use for things I will want to by to make the new place work for us.  It's a start- and it's got me feeling more positive than negative about the unknowns that come with moving.

I threw away 2 more garbage bags of crap from the closets and drawers and cabinets- and filled up another box for the Goodwill before I called it quits in the house and ate a stir fry lunch.  After lunch I decided that if I didn't go and exercise then, I would probably end up taking a nap that I didn't really need.  Got dressed for the gym and realized I'd left my ipod in the car, so ran out to get it and check the mail on the way in and found a card from my sister:


The card reads: "You vs. It" on the front and on the inside says "You.  Hands-down.  No doubt in my mind.  You've got this."  Her note says "You have truly amazed me!  I don't think I can accurately described how proud of you I am.  Stick with it!"

I know I've talked about my sister to you all before.  She is the one I visit in Texas.  Anyway, go ahead and be jealous- I know you all wish your sister was this freakin' awesome. :oD

Needless to say, after receiving that card, I headed off the gym with my head held high and surprised myself once again- running for 18 minutes without having to walk for a total of 35 minutes on the treadmill.  Blowing my last "running without walking" record of 13 minutes out of the water by a whopping 5 minutes.  Which, of course, reinforces to me that really, running is a total mind game for me.  Anyway, I was still feeling pretty good after that and did a few sets on our crappy weights machine.  Just another example of the power and positive energy you all give me to succeed with your encouragement and support.

I'm feeling pretty great now.  Lots of endorphins after all that.  Looking forward to a Fourth of July dinner with my parents tonight.  No need to worry, everything is being grilled and I have a plan! :)  For you Americans, happy 4th!  For you Canadians, Happy Canada Day! (sorry I'm late!)  And for those of you in the UK...uhhh...Long live the Queen!

Saturday, 2 July 2011

July Goals

ONE HUNDRED AND THREE readers!  Gosh I feel so proud!!  But, really it has nothing to do with me at all.  I'm so greatful to have you all here to feed my ego and keep me motivated, and call me out when I'm being ridiculous.  So thank you VERY much to all of you who are here for the long haul, thank you very much for all of you who posted my link, and thank you newcomers for finding value in what I have done.  I hope I don't disappoint you!

At my WI this morning at WW (the official weigh in) I had lost the two pounds I gained last week.  It's great to see the scale moving back in the right direction and I know I'll be kayaking before the end of this month!  I got to take down pounds 179 and 178 this morning- so just 5 more until kayaking! 



I'm doing anything and everything I can to renew my motivation and excitement in this journey.  I'm so close I can smell it!  I've seen a lot of you post a monthly goal or update.  I am still doing the Slimmer This Summer Challenge as well, so now seems like as good a time as any to post some goals.  I'm going to post a weeks worth of goals and a summery of what I hope that the next 4 weeks will accomplish.

This week:
1.  I will exercise 6 days and earn 35 AP's for the week.

2.  I will stick to my DP's and not use my WP's or AP's.  I will do this by preplanning my meals.  This has been very difficult for me lately.  So I think I'm going to say that for 1 week, I will not use them, then the next week, I will allow myself to use half of my WP's for the week (25 extra points).  I'm hoping this plan will help keep me on track so that I have something to work towards, something to look forward to, and avoid feeling deprived, while still watching the scale go down.  We'll see :)

3.  I will up my water intake.  I even bought a new cup to help me.  Drinking is not usually my problem.  The problem is that I drink so quickly that refilling my cup has become quite a chore.  So, I bought the largest BPA free bottle I could find.  It is 64 ounces, or 8 cups.  I easily drink 2-3 a day.



4.  This week I will be avoiding convenience items (usually Morningstar or Boca products).  I have become a bit too reliant on them lately.  I need to get back to cooking my meals from with fresh ingredients from scratch.  I have three recipes planned to make this weekend for the week that I am really looking forward to.

My 30 day goal is that by August 2nd, one month from today, is simple.  I will be in the 160's working my way down.  I'm keep my expectations a little looser and less detailed than usual because there is so much going on in my life right now with career changes and 12 hour days and moving and a hubby looking for work.    Being in the 160's working my way down will mean I have lost at least 7.8 lbs in the next 30 days.  That seems easily doable to me right now, but like I said, with so many other things going on this month, as long as the scale goes down and not up, I'll be happy!

Have you posted your goals?  Do you have goals?  Well you need some!  Go get some!!  I'm also going to be working on a vision board.  I haven't decided what that means yet, but I'm falling more and more in love with the reading I've done on "The Secret" and how it has been working in my life this past month.  This vision board doesn't only cover my weight loss, but also many other facets of my life.  So, I'm sure you'll be seeing that from me soon enough.

I hope you all are celebrating your losses this week and your achievement of successfully making it through another month in your journey.  Here's to the next 30 days of evolving into the people we want to be! Cheers! 

xoxo
-See C.

Thursday, 30 June 2011

100?!

Sure would appreciate some linky love from you all to see if I can snag another reader or two...Seriously- what am I gonna do when I get 100 followers?!  I'm only one shy! 

I'm accepting thoughts, questions, ideas, suggestions, and challenges.  You tell me!

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Motivation

A few weeks back I bought tickets for a two hour kayak tour from groupon or hubby and I.  I've been sitting on the tickets until a good time. 

Groupon just sent me a reminder email that I haven't used them yet and a light bulb went off.  I had SOOO much fun kayaking while visiting my family out of state earlier this month.  As soon as the WW scale shows me 173 lbs (the lowest weight I've been able to achieve on my scale), I am scheduling our tour!!!

I CANNOT WAIT!!!

But, to get to my goal I decided I really needed something visual.  So I ran to my bath room (where I usually post my "visualized weight) and made a post-it for every pound from now until my goal.  What I realized in doing this, is just how close I really am.  Had a done this when I first started, I'm certain I would have covered the entire mirror!

Now I'll get to remove a post-it everytime I'm down a pound.  I think it will be great motivation! :-) 

I worked my butt off in the gym today- did the circuit and Zumba- earned 9 APs.  Stayed mostly on track with just two bites off plan (honest, just 2!).

Tomorrow is a party that 5-year-old , her mommy, and I have been working on and looking forward to for about a month now.  It's sea creature themed and there will be 8 or so children, a few parents, and lots of games, food, and fun.  I'm bringing a Boca burger for the grill, "mommy" (5-year-old's, not mine) made a great edamame and veggie salad, I made a fruit salad, there will be a veggie tray, and these:

Sugar free Jello Starfish. :-)  There will be lots of other things, too.  But, I'm sticking to the things I listed.  And definitely planning on running around with the 5-year-olds for exercise (and a gym trip, too!)
I hope you all are looking forward to a GREAT hump-day!  It's all down hill till Friday! :-D

Monday, 27 June 2011

This Weeks STSC Goals

 Ladies...I just want to start out by telling you I REALLY love you all.  I could NOT do any of this without the support you've all given me.  Dawn & Myra especially, but all of you are really there for me when it counts and I just cannot tell you enough about how much that means to me.  Really...

Still not doing fabulously on the eating front.  But I'm aware and I'm tracking everything.  What I did realize is that I haven't set goals for this week yet, and I'm sure that will help me feel back on track.

1.  STAY WITHIN MY DP RANGE!  Stop all this over-eating nonsense!  I don't need a bite of every edible that crosses my path!  Get a grip, C!!

2.  Try to cancel out some of the over-endulgences lately with exercise.  I will exercise every day until weigh-in on Saturday.  I started today- earned 7.  Hopefully I will be able to get in my usual goal of 35 AP's a week this way.

3.  Drink like a fish.  Fill my glass immediately upon emptying so everytime I even think I might be bit parched, there it will be waiting for me.

4.  Go back to getting my healthy checks on WW.com.  This means insuring that I'm on track nutritionally so that I'm not left craving crap.  Getting in the right amount of fruits and veggies, whole grains, etc. helps my brain see that my body is, in fact, well nourished and satisfied.

5.  I will spend time visualizing my weight at 175lbs at weigh in this week.  I know I can do it.

There.  We will start there and let that be the end of it.  I'm writing them out on my mirror to remind me everytime I'm in the bathroom.  ...Which will be often if I manage to keep my cup full. :-)  Wish me luck!!

xoxo
-See C.

Sunday, 26 June 2011

HURRAH! Who's with me?!

OKay, so, I think I'm done with the self sabotage this week.  At the official WW weigh in yesterday, I was up 2 pounds, (which we know is actually more, because I was out of town last weekend and didn't weigh-in.)  So not only did I not lose any weight for two weeks, but I actually gained some.  UGH!!  HAATE that.  But it is what it is, and weight loss is certainly not a race.   For those of you who are new, these results are certainly not a normal occurance...

The house is in a disarray of half packed boxes because we are selling a lot of furniture on craigslist.

My finances are in a bit of a disarray because hubby hasn't found a job yet and is going to go back to school.

The gym job is moving locations this weekend so when I go in on Tuesday I will have to be given a tour and learn all the new things about it.

My life is a bit disorganized right now and that is very stressful for me.  Plus, at the risk of TMI, I'm PMSing.  All these factors contributed to me over eating last week, it could happen that way to anyone, and I am certain it won't be the last time it happens to me.  So I'm not going to beat myself up over it.  Today I will plan out my meals and activities, because that is what works for me.  I'm simply going to step back in control of my eating and health and lose the weight I gained like I have been doing for more than a year now.  Who can argue with results like this?


HURRAH! Who's with me?!

On another note, I've noticed that I'm about to post my 100th post and I'm only a few away from 100 followers.  Seems like there might need to be some kind of mention or celebration for that.  Any ideas?

PS:  Found the following on a friends blog and found it to be moving.

"Obesity is never JUST a food issue. It’s the manifestation of a vice – a bondage – an addiction. When you "see someone on the streets stumbling and slurring with a wine bottle in hand, their behavior and outer appearance is a manifestation of their condition. Their pain and torment caused them to take that drink and get to where they are today. It’s no different with obesity. What you see on the outside of me, was a feeble attempt to apply salve to my wounds in the form of food. Just because it wasn’t a bottle to my lips, or some powder snorted in my nose, or a needle in my vein – doesn’t make it any less harmful or any less deadly."

I hope you will go and check out Heart On My (Gastric) Sleeve and lend some insight and motivation to his journey, or be inspired by his willingness to change.

Friday, 24 June 2011

Overwhelmed

Sorry I disappeared there for a minute.  I tend to have about 3 "good" eating weeks a month, and one PMS week where it's all I can do to resist stuffing my face full of sweets.  I don't always succeed during this week, and for the past 2 days, I've been off track.  I am absolutely aware of it.  My mentality is generally 3 steps (weeks) forward, 1 step (week) back still means I'm ahead. 

I always start off on the right foot in the morning for breakfast, but I become exhausted by the struggle and give in.  For a long time I would consider this "bad!"  But, that always triggered my all or nothing attitude that would make it so much harder to get back on track.  Now it just is.  I'm not upset about it.  Will I let it continue?  Absolutely not.  That's what makes this a lifestyle change and not a diet.  My weigh-in is tomorrow and I've been on my best food behavior today.

Hubby still hasn't found a job, but in the mean-time he has decided to go back to school to become and electrician.  Many of his hobbies involve the trade and he'd like to get paid to do it.  The original plan was to move into a larger house in August, but with hubby now going back to school, we've decided to down size into a smaller apartment for a year and are going through everything trying to decide weather to keep it, donate it, sell it, or give it away.  It's overwhelming, to say the least, but I know it will be worth it in the long run. 

Wish me luck...

Tuesday, 21 June 2011

STSC Out of State Goals Assesment

Just a VERY quick post before I rush into work this morning, but I got back into town last night and I wanted to show you my results and goals. 

You can read where I set my goals here: STSC Out of State Goals

But in short order:
1.  Maintain the loss this I achieved last week (Sat-Thurs short week.)
This would mean I would have weighed in at 174.8lbs this morning.  But fortunately, I managed a loss from all the fantastic activity on this trip and saw this on my scale this morning: 1.8lb loss.



2.  Exercise for at least 40 minutes everyday of my trip.
First night I got there I was only able to get in 30 minutes because it was so very late and I'd spent the whole day traveling.  But, after that I made up for it with hour long jog/walks with my mom every morning and countless hours kayaking.  Plus, I ran the stairs in my grandparents home a few times too.

3.  Drink only water.
I did have two glasses of unsweetened tea, but I completely avoided anything with alcohol in it.

So there go.  Longer post later on, but wanted to hold up my end and let you know that i achieved all my goals and even managed a loss while on vacation. 

If I can do it you can!  It's the first day of summer, make it count!

xoxo
-See C.

Sunday, 19 June 2011

Trip Day 2- Happy Father's Day!

Day 2 of my trip (yesterday) was great!  All the family arrived and we spent the day reminiscing and catching up.

Food went pretty well.  I am definitely starting to feel peckish because food is around ALL the time.  I have stayed within my DP's as far as I can estimate.  But there is a LOT of estimating going on.  My grandma (who is the cook/baker/grandma fantastico) tries to give me healthy options, but there is a ton of temptation to enjoy all the other things that is out.  Every meal is a 3 course buffet like on a cruise with appetizers and h'orderves, then the main course, the dessert and coffee or tea.  Luckily there are plenty of great activities to get involved in.  Like kayaking with my mom! :-)

I've also been walking outside (lots of hills) and hitting the community gym so that I can make sure to maintain my weight (or lose) over the weekend.  Water intake has been good, I'm staying within my point range without breaking into AP's or WP's.  And I've stayed in control of my urge to eat.  It's been a great trip so far!  My nephews leave today...

I hope you all have a fantastic Father's Day and get to spend it with the best dad in the world! :-)


Talk soon!
xoxo
-See C.


Saturday, 18 June 2011

Family Blessings

Day 1 of my trip (mostly spent traveling) went off pretty much without a hitch.  There was a slight delay to my second plane, but overall, the trip was pretty uneventful.  I ate fruit and a handful of a cashew trail mix for breakfast, lunch time I had coffee with creamer and a handful eat of carrots and grapes.  When we arrived at my grandma & grandpa's, I had more fruit and some crackers.  I was hungry (and a little lightheaded from it for the better half of the afternoon.)  But once dinner came around, I ate whole wheat pasta with a bit of butter, a large serving of salad in oil, and more fruit.  I felt much better after and was able to get in about 30 minutes of cardio in the local gym around 9pm.  The rest of the evening was spent in the kitchen, of course, cooking and baking for the morning and day to come (today.) 

It's wonderful to have my siblings all in one place.  And, a VERY special treat to get to love and squeeze on my nephews ages 4 and almost 2.  Being back in my grandparents house brings on nostalgia like you wouldn't believe and we've spent several hours laughing over the memories.  Ending the day sharing a pull out couch with my sister tops the cake.  Giggling and talking in the dark like a sleep over that never ends- it just picks back up the next time we're together.  I don't say it often because of the religious connotation, but I am so very VERY blessed. :-D

I'm running on limited sleep and hope to be able to continue to make good decisions food and health wise.  I've received so so many compliments and I'm holding them close to keep me motivated to achieve my goals this week.


It's raining here today, so I'm hoping to take my nephews to the craft store and get supplies for a father's day gift. :-)

Friday, 17 June 2011

STSC Out of State Goals

I'm am so VERY excited to see my out of state family this weekend.  Especially because many of them have not seen me since my wedding, before I started this weight loss journey.  I know they will be expecting 319 lbs See C. to walk out of the plane terminal, and I'm looking forward to seeing the confusion and then excitment on their face.  LOL
This was taken the day before my wedding in 2007.  My grandmother on the left of me has not seen me since then. 
Before I started WW, when I would go on trips to see my family I would have this niggling feeling at the back of my head that I was rediculously over weight and I knew they worried about me.  I was embarassed of the way I looked and felt sorry that they had to love me because we were related.  I know that sounds horrible, but I haven't lied to you all yet and I don't intend to now.  I just didn't feel worthy of their love.  I would also worry that the airline was going to make me buy two seats or that I would have to ask for a seat belt extender.  I would alwayslose sleep over it the few nights before I was scheduled to leave.  I never did have to, but the worry about keep me awake at night.

Now I have NO negative feelings about going out on a trip to do anything!  I know my body is heathy and fit and won't hold me back in any way.  The weight is lifted in so many ways. :-D

I do hope to set a good example for my family while I'm with them by showing them that there is no magic to my weight loss.  I just eat less and move more.  Actions speak so much louder than words and I hope they will see that. 

My goals for the next four days are as follows:

1.  Maintain the loss this I achieved during this short week. 

I will weigh in at 174.8 lbs (or less) upon my return home on Tuesday morning.  I will do this by tracking what I eat and over estimating when I have to guess.  I will stay within my DP target and will not break into my AP's or WP's.

2.  Exercise for at least 40 minutes everyday of my trip.

My mom is coming with me.  She is an avid runner and runs 5 miles every morning.  I'm hoping that she will let me keep her company.  I've never run with my mom before and I'm sure I won't be able to keep up the whole way, but just going out together would be so cool to me.  It would be a real bonding moment for me. 

3.  Drink only water. 

I will not succumb to the wine or adult beverages that will surely be available to me on this trip. :-)

I'll be sure to take lots of pictures.  I hope to be able to post while I'm gone, but I'm not sure of the time I'll have available.  I hope all of you meet all your goals for the week and have a fantastic weekend!

Thursday, 16 June 2011

Loving the downward trend!

Weigh-in for the short week (4 days) had me down 1.2 lbs this morning.  (174.8 lbs.)  If you remember, that is .8 off from my visualized goal, but I will say that I've been suffering from stomach aches for several days this week.  Not sure what is causing the indigestion, but I'm sure once it clears up the scale will have something to show for it.

I did meet my AP goal.  The goal was to make 36 in a week and I ended tonight with 38 thanks to my girl, Heidi at the gym who inspired me to go 3 times around the circuit instead of two, and a new member sign up which required me to show her the circuit again. :-)

I have not eaten into my WP's or my earned AP's.  Water intake has been fine and I have avoided weighing in on my scale (except to visualize with the actual number covered.)

Quick post tonight because I'm on hour 16 of my day and I still have lots of stuff to do before leaving out of state for 4 days with my family at the butt crack of dawn tomorrow morning.  I'm running on pure adrenaline at this point, I think.  I'll try and post new goals tomorrow! :-)  Hope you all are achieving BIG things!

xoxo
-See C.

Tuesday, 14 June 2011

Better Than Yesterday!

Today was definitely a better day than yesterday!  I am still having some stomach discomfort and have decided to lay off the soy for a few days.  I'm also having back pain.  Not sure exactly what is causing it- because there are numerous possibilities.  So, I did Zumba today for 4 APs, but I stayed off the circuit training and cycling.  Hopefully I'll be able to get back to work on it tomorrow.

Finally managed to convince hubby not to be a Kirby salesman and made an appointment for him an employment agency.  SOOoo relieved! :-)

Not a whole lot more going on than that!  'Nother busy day tomorrow and counting down to Friday morning when I'll get to go see my grandparents!!  I've been visualizing 174.0 every time I find an opportunity and I know those will be the numbers I see on Thursday morning!

xoxo
-See C.

Monday, 13 June 2011

Rookie Mistakes

My day was fine today, but I made a list of mistakes and BOY OH BOY am I being punished for it.  Everything was fine- got everything I needed to get done this morning, lunch time came around and:

Mistake #1 was eating an hour before I had to be at the gym-job. 
Mistake #2 was trying out a new Morningstar Farms product (sausage links) with my lunch.  Gave me a stomach ache. 
Mistake #3 couldn't be avoided- hubby took the car to his Kirby "job" which left me riding my bike 3 miles in 101* heat.  I was overheated and my muscles were totally sore and stiff from it (and still are.)
Mistake #4 was forgetting to bring a snack/ small dinner to the gym job.  I was starving half way through my shift.
Mistake #5 was assuming hubby would be home and able to pick me up and drive me home.  Instead, I had to ride my bike bake home- totally sore and exhausted and FAMISHED!!

By the time I made it home and walked the dog- my stomach was on fire.  Totally clenched up and the hunger pains had me doubled over a time or two.

I've never felt that way before.  Really like my body was shutting down.  Sounds dramatic, I know.  I try not to be dramatic, especially when I've done the damage due to my own stupidity.  But, I'm not sure how else to describe it.  I've eaten now and my stomach is feeling better.  I've taken a pain reliever (which I hardly EVER do), and I'm now a big puddle on the couch.  I'm drinking A LOT- though I've done pretty well on water intake today, since it was the only thing I had access to.  I feel feverish- a hot head and face and a cold body.

Because I didn't bring any kind of snack with me to work, I ended up with 18 DP's left (more than half my daily allowance) at 7:30pm tonight.  I earned 10 AP's today- and if you do WW math, that means technically, I had 28 points available to eat!   I'm NOT eating my AP's this week, but you see the dilemma.  LOTS of activity with NO fuel.  I ate popcorn as soon as I got home because it's my favorite and it's fast to make.  That gave me enough energy to shower.  Then I ate some Ready Rice (Uncle Ben's), 2 containers Green Giant Just for One broccoli and cheese trays, and cottage cheese all mixed up.  I normally would NEVER eat so many high sodium foods together, but I really want to rehydrate my muscles. 

SO, I did achieve my STSC goals.  But, not in the way I should have.  It was a list of rookie mistakes and I hope my body won't punish me for it for too long.  Tomorrow is a normal 12 hour day, with my food all packed, so I should be back on track. :-)

Saturday, 11 June 2011

Week 2 STSC Goals

Last week's goals worked great and I think I'm going to keep them around for week 2.  Plus, I really want to make sure I'm getting lots of practice concentrating on my water intake.  I thought I was doing well, but the more I pay attention to it, I'm realizing that I should really be focusing more on it.

Here's the Big 4:

1.  Lose 20 lbs by the end of the challenge (Aug 28th).
2.  Earn 36 AP's per week.
3.  Maintain my water intake.
4.  Weigh myself only once per week.

More specific goals for this week:

Next Friday (over Father's Day) I will head out on a plane to another state for four days to a family reunion.  So I'm considering week 2 for me to be Saturday- Thursday.  On Thursday evening I will post another set of goals to maintain or achieve while on my trip.

1.  For this short week I will be visualizing a 2 pound loss for my weigh in Thursday morning.  Which will have me at 174 lbs (on my scale.) 

2.  This week I will stay within my DP target and not indulge in extra AP's or WP's.  I seem to lose the most weight by restricting my calories even after exercising.  Imagine that?  ...I haven't hit a plateau yet, and I've certainly not put myself into starvation mode, so I will do what works instead of what is easy.

3.  Drink 2 cups of water every time I eat, and another 2 cups for every 30 minute block of exercise. 

I know that these mini weekly goals will help me achieve the dreams I don't even know I have yet. :-)  I'm excited to see what's in store!  Keep your head up and I know we will all reach the finish line together!

Until Then!
xoxo
-See C.

The Universe Speaks Loud and Clear (Week 1 results for STS)

In my sleepy haze this morning I walked into the bathroom to begin my day.  I took a moment to visualize the numbers I wanted to see (this week I've been concentrating on 177.0) on the scale and stepped on.  You won't believe what came up!
176.0 lbs!  I was stunned for a minute!  Could that be right?  That's a whole pound less than I was believing for!  I think the universe is telling me that not only are my goals achievable, but that I'm underestimating my ability and should be reaching higher every week.  I'm absolutely flabbergasted at the point zero (.0) that shows that the end.  My scale hardly EVER shows .0 which is what really gives me faith that my visualizations definitely affected this weigh in.  That is a 4 lbs loss for me on my home scale!

When I got to my WW meeting that morning for the official weigh-in (I only "count" the weight that the WW scale shows), I didn't tell anyone about my little experiment with the universe.  I just stepped on the scale and I'm sorry I don't have hubby's camera for a picture of the sticker, but the info reads:

Weight: 177.6
+/-: -3.8
Total: -141.8

I lost 3.8 lbs since last week!  Isn't that incredible?!  I know some of you are going to say it's not healthy to lose that amount consistently week after week.  I know this.  And it's certainly not my intention to continue to do so.  But it just goes to show me that if/when I buckle down and focus on my goals, they can be achieved.  And, that I often underestimate my ability to do so!

Pic of the week:  The kids and I at the pool.  Not the most flattering picture.  Baby weighs 28 lbs, and I have to stick my hips out (forward) to support his weight when I carry him in the front.  But, I love that there is a space now between my stomach and my arm that you can see clear through to blue water!  No more "top roll" to obscure the view of my figure. :-) 
I'll be posting week 2 goals shortly.
Krystle at Skinny Jean Dreams nominated me for the Adorable Blogger Award, which I've already received once, but I wanted to say THANKS FOR THINKIN' OF ME, K! 

Also, I've got a new friend who attends my WW meetings that has recently begun her very own food fight blog!  Please go and check her out!  Give her your encouragement and support!  She's just like us and feels the need to EAT TILL SHE POPS!!

Have a GREAT weekend!  xoxo