Sunday, 9 January 2011

Results and Internet Therapy

And the winner is...drum roll please...

C.!!!!!!  With a 2.6lbs loss over the holidays!!  WHOOO!!! *applauds*

Oh Em GEE!!  I would like to thank my family, my friends, and my followers for keeping me on track and accountable!

All drama aside, I'm happy to see a loss!  But, it's not really what I want to talk about today.  A conversation with my Mom today sparked my interest and I wanted to see what you all thought about it. 

The conversation was about my father (who has been obese all my life) is "back on his diet" now after completely overindulging over the holidays.  He's using the Weight Watchers program to do it, or rather, my mother is doing it for him.  She is buying, preparing, portioning and handing meals to my father.  And my mom HATES to cook, so most of it is pre-prepared microwave foods.  The only part in his diet that he is responsible for is the eating part.  He has no idea of the actual nutritional content, nutrient values, or even the point values for a single thing that goes into his mouth.  He relies on my mother to do all the work for it.

I feel real anger over this, now, myself more than 100lbs lighter.  Before, I would have commiserated with him and wished him good luck.  Now I know luck has nothing to do with it.  I won't presume to tell my father what he needs to do (that surely would NOT go over well), but between me and you, he needs to take responsibility.  I am really frustrated with him over it. 

The background is that I feel like he played a big role in why I became obese.  I know I am responsible for my own body, but as a kid, he would sneak me treats when my mom wasn't looking and when my mom was out of town on business (A LOT) we lived on fast food.  I feel like he used me to be his eating buddy, and that is really wrong in my opinion.  And, now that we don't have that, our relationship has really suffered over the last year.   

He has never taken any responsibility for his weight or the role he played in mine.  He believes he is cursed into obesity somehow.  He believes he was born a bottomless pit that cannot stop eating.  He has totally given up on himself.  He has weight and diet-related health issues and he just believes they are things that "fat, old people" get, as if he isn't in anyway responsible for having or keeping them. 

I know that until he decides to take control of his own diet as a whole, he will continue to be over weight.  This sorry attempt and gaining healthful habits will fade out just like all the others.  He mostly eats SmartOnes or Healthy Choice frozen dinners.  He eventually gets tired of eating the same thing over and over and goes back to eating whatever he wants when my mom's not around.  He eats at a restaurant every lunch hour during the work week because he doesn't want to deal with packing his own lunch.  He is constantly going off and back on  "the diet."  It goes well for a month or so and then he begins finding opportunities to order straight from the menu, eat everything on his plate, and then declare guiltily that he'll be going "back on the diet" at the next meal.  I find it VERY difficult not to roll my eyes.

I see all the mistakes he is making now that I know the truth.  I feel like, "if I could do it, so can he" and he's my dad, so he should want to.  But he won't.  I know the hard work it takes and deep down I don't think he will ever do it.  I have lost faith.  I'm not perfect (to say the least,), I make mistakes every day and I am STILL ON the journey...I haven't really achieved the right to be a know it all.  But, what I'm doing is working and it has worked for thousands of other people too and it would work for him too if he would just TRY.

Please don't get me wrong.  I am a wonderfully blessed woman with a VERY devoted father.  He has only ever wanted what he thought was best for me.  I love him very much, which I'm sure is why I feel so strongly about this situation.  I'm building a bitterness over it, a bad taste in the back of my throat when I think about it.  I generally try to live my life in love, forgiveness, and acceptance.  So this is really starting to harsh my mellow.  I'm not sure what to do about it...

Me & Dad- Father's Day 2010

3 comments:

  1. First of all, congrats on the weight loss. WTG. I really enjoyed your heartfelt post today. I totally agree that your dad must take the responsibility or he is bound to fail. My first husband (who passed away from a heart attack at 42) did the same thing with me. I had to plan his meals. I had to say not to eat this and that. He would say to me, "Can I eat this?" I felt like I was dieting for two people and it just doesn't work. He did lose weight, but he gained it back again because he didn't learn anything and it was only a half-hearted attempt.

    Unfortunately, you cannot really help your dad. You can offer support and encouragement but we all need to be ready for it ourselves. It's a journey that we share, but we definitely have to make it alone. Don't let it harsh your mellow...(that was cute)...feel your feelings and let them go. I so love your blog.

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  2. Nice loss over the holidays!!
    Wow that must be very hard for your mom not to mention frustrating. Hope your Dad starts to make the right choices for himself soon!

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  3. Your dad's story seems like something from Biggest Loser! It's so hard when we see the ones we love really hurting themselves. Just keep doing what you're doing and maybe you will be able to lead him by example.

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