Yesterday I ran into an aquintance at the store. We had worked several school events together a couple years ago. When I said hello to her, she got this puzzled look on her face for a moment. I could tell she was thinking "Who the hell is this?" I reintroduced myself and the light bulb went on for her. She said, "You're barely recognizable!" We talked for a few minutes in the checkout aisle and went on our merry way, but this comment has been replaying in my head like a broken record ever since.
I know I've talked before about people not recognizing me. My husband told me try and see it as a positive thing. His thinking is that now I can be whoever I want to be, and I can stop talking to some of the people in my life (that I don't see often) who are particularly judgemental. I've thought about this, but I still feel pretty torn up over it. I don't like to think I'm "barely recognizable." It makes me feel lost in the world. After all, I didn't dislike who I was before. I just decided to change my life around. I decided to make different decisions that happened to effect my appearance. My shell...
I've always made a great effort to foster the relationships I've had with people. I think fat people have to work harder at it, unfortuneately. We often have to convince people to like us, despite our outward appearance. But now, I'm not really a part of that. It's strange to say it, but I'm not fat any more. I am still overweight, but I think that now people don't immediately spot me as "the fat girl." So, I don't fit in that club anymore. I don't see myself as thin or particularly fit, either. I am still "plus sized" on the bottom. I am still activly working toward losing weight. ...So I don't fit into that club.
I am in limbo. I am unrecognizable. Who am I?