Saturday, 7 May 2011

Drained of Emotion & Full of Pizza

Granny went back into the hospital again on Friday morning.  And, of course, my parents were out of town, so I had to deal with the whole thing on my own from start to finish.  SO freakin stressful to be 26 and having to be completely responsible for the life story in medical terms for someone other than yourself.  But, I cannot roll my eyes any further back into my brain without going into a "this is so f*ckin ridiculous" seizure.  Don't get me wrong, I'm sure being 85 years old sucks completely, but Granny is TOTALLY over dramatic about EVERYTHING and, she has a knack for making people feel badly about themselves.  Nothing is ever good enough for her and her expectations of the world and the people around her are off the charts retarded. 

Anyway, I didn't mean to make this post about her.  I wanted to tell you about me.  You see, for the past two days I've been stuck in the hospital at the beck and call of the fuhrer herself.  And today, I ended up punishing myself for it by emotionally over-eating.  I did snack on fruit and cereal, but by the time my parents managed to race back into town and relieve me from my post 32 hours later, I was ravenous and hubby drove me immediately to the local pizza joint and I ate twice as much as I would have had I eaten regularly throughout the day and exercised.  I also had to skip my regular weigh-in and WW meeting.  I think maybe I was just feeling bitter over it?  I was angry.  And stressed.  And exhausted beyond belief having slept in a hospital chair for no more than 3 hours. 

I still didn't eat as much pizza as I used to (before I started weight watchers.)  But, I ate more than my body needed for sustenance and satiation.  I skipped my usual pre-pizza salad I usually try and fill up on and went straight to pizza.  I knew I was going to eat more than I needed to when I walked into the restaurant.  I had no resolve to eat healthfully, my only restraint was to stick to vegetarian, and not to eat like I used to by leaving sooo full that I wanted to puke.  So, as far as those goals go, I did stick to my "plan." 

I wish I knew why I did/do this.  I wish I knew what it was that makes me equate eating as a viable solution to relieve my anxiety and stress.  I'm going to post more about this later, but as I mentioned...I am beyond tired right now.  My belly is full, I'm in my pajamas, I'm warm and safe back at home with Hubby and Bean and I can barely see the screen through my lion yawns.

Good night!

5 comments:

  1. 1. Don't stress about over eating! It happened once.. it happens to all of us! And the fact that you recognized what you did wrong.. OBVIOUSLY you know how to fix it is the important part!! Sorry you had to go through so much stress the last couple days.
    2. Thank you for your comment on my blog but you're talking about me??! LOOK AT YOU!! I just noticed these pictures down the side of your blog.. that is an INCREDIBLE transformation! You definitely should not be beating yourself up over an extra piece of pizza!! You have come SUCH A LONG way!!

    Keep your head up girl!!

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  2. a big comforting hug coming your way C....
    I am with Krystle, don't be too hard on yourself...
    I like how you are reflecting on it and digging deeper
    stress is a part of life and in general we all have moments of not dealing as best as we could...it-is-ok...really, there is going to be melt downs, times of lost control and moments of completely being done...and you know what friend
    its neither wrong nor right
    it just IS
    now you need rest, more than anything just rest and tomorrow is a new day and it will be a GREAT day
    you're all good!

    love and light

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  3. You know what naturally slim people do when they occasionally overeat? Wait for it - they just go back to their normal way of living and eating. They don't die or anything and neither will you. They also don't beat themselves up. This is just a blip on the radar screen - you will be fine. Take care.

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  4. I know it feels lousy and I won't sugar coat it and say its fine because I know you're not fine about it...you're frustrated and I would be too....but honestly.....what would you tell me if I posted exactly this post....you'd be kind, supportive and tell me that in the scheme of things its not the end of the world, pick myself up and move on because I'm doing wonderfully....right? You would!
    So...hard though it is you have to tell that to yourself and be to yourself the kind supportive person you are to us x
    Dawn

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  5. Everyone has bad days and it sounds like you had a couple of them. I would have done the same thing.

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