Tuesday, 3 July 2012

Body Dysmorphia

According to wikipedia: Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD, also body dysmorphiadysmorphic syndrome; originally dysmorphophobia) is a type of mental illness, a somatoform disorder, wherein the affected person is concerned with body image, manifested as excessive concern about and preoccupation with a perceived defect of their physical features.[1][2] The person complains of a defect in either one feature or several features of their body; or vaguely complains about their general appearance, which causes psychological distress that causes clinically significant distress or impairs occupational or social functioning. Often BDD co-occurs with emotional depression and anxiety, social withdrawal or social isolation.[3] 

I DO NOT think I have a problem as serious as full blown BDD.  I do feel that I suffer from it in a lesser degree simply because I have such a very hard time with my brain thinking I am much more overweight and out of shape than I really am.  I can see in pictures the reality of my internal misperception, but while looking in mirrors and when I look down at my own body, or while shopping for new clothes, my brain tells me that my butt is still huge, my "spare tire" is as round as ever, and that there is no way I will be fit into that shirt...

But then I do.  Because in reality, I am almost half the size that I was previously.  

When I'm trying on new clothes, i have to take pictures of the clothes in the dressing room because what I see with my eyes in the mirror is a fat girl, who's rolls show here and there and I'm lumpy.  But in the picture, it's a whole 'nother story!

First tank top I've worn for as long as I can remember.
GIRL LOOK AT THAT BODY!!  I WORK OUT!!!  I'm slowly coming around to realize that I'm not this girl any more...

Now I'm THIS girl!

And I really and truly couldn't be more happy about  it! But I'm so ready for my brain to catch up with reality so that what I see, and what really is, are both the same thing!

****I have no idea what's going on with the text formatting.  Sorry...


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