So I weighed in at me meeting tonight at 1.5 UP and pretty much threw a hissy fit on Facebook over it. I'm not a crier (crying is just about against my religion), but I did shed a tear tonight.
I did everything right! I pre-planned-pre-cooked, pre-pared and sweated my ass off in the gym earning myself 30! activity points! I did not even touch my extra weeklies!
I know there are a million reasons that could explain my gain, but the disappointment I felt was like a ton of bricks tonight. I managed to wear a brave face in my meeting, but On the way home, I lost it. I just felt heavy, fat, and full of disappointment in myself. My negative voice's volume went through the roof with the snide comments about being a failure, about not ever being good enough.
I made it home and even though I was starving (having eaten lightly all day in anticipation of a fantastic weight in), I I just can't seem to make myself go eat my dinner. Like I don't deserve to eat because I gained instead of lost. Absurd, I know! But, like I said, my negative voice is very seriously LOUD tonight.
I have a dichotomy within me. Reality tells me weight loss is science, just keep going. But emotionally...well...yeah...
Luckily I have an amazing support group to talk me off the ledge (figuratively, of course). I'm ready for today to be over. I will wake up tomorrow refreshed and carry on my war.