Wednesday, 28 November 2012

Battle Scars and Progress Pics

I'm meeting with Angie (personal trainer) today for my first  workout so I asked Hubby to take some new "before pictures" so we can watch how the workouts will effect my body. :)

A lot of you have mentioned how "brave" I am for posting pictures that reveal so much, but honestly, I show less than a lot of bath suits do.  And, I'm proud of my body.  Of course there are "imperfections" (loose skin, winkles, bulges) but I just see all that as my battle scars.  Because the truth is, my body looks a hellovalot better than it has in the past and I think it's important to show the truth of my journey.  Besides, if you've ever tried to lose weight, I'm sure you've heard the saying "what you put inside, everyone sees on the outside."  I do this so that people who are also struggling can see that we are all in it together.  No, I will never ever look like a celebrity in a fashion magazine, I will never look like a svelte teenager in a string bikini, but I look like I woman who has turned her life around and has become something she always wanted to be...healthy!  And I'm proud of it.  You should be too.  So without further ado...





So there it is.  Here I am weighing in at 178.0 lbs.  I'm looking forward to seeing more muscle tone in my future pictures.  Someday, once I've reached what I feel like is my "ideal" weight and muscle tone, I would like to have the skin removal surgury that most people call a "body lift."  If only to be able to find pants that fit my legs AND my waist.  But until then, this is what I have to work with and I refuse to be embarassed by it.  Because when I started this journey, this is what I was contending with:


I was so very sad and hopeless then.  So if this body that I treated so badly didn't give up and has carried me through 3 years of transformation, then I will love it from now on for all that it is and all that it can be instead of being ashamed of what it started out as.  Just call me the ugly duckling. :)

Monday, 19 November 2012

Doing well...kind of.

I'm still on track and weighed in (at home) this morning at 179.6 lbs.  It feels pretty good to be back in the 170's.  My lowest weight since starting this journey was summer of 2011 at 173 lbs.  It would be a nice Christmas gift to myself to be back there.  I do remember though, that the reason 173 didn't stick last time was because I was feeling pretty deprived and ended up going on a binge for a few weeks...  That is certainly something I will try to avoid during this round.  We will see what happens, it is all a process.  And, I like 179.6 just fine, so it may be that I will just decide to maintain if I begin feeling deprived.

Several people have commented on my weight loss lately.  They are noticing that I am losing again.  And, the feed back hasn't been as positive as it normally is.  I have dropped about 12lbs in the past month, more than is generally recommended for healthy weight loss patterns.  A VERY large part of it is because I'm still grieving.  Food hasn't held nearly the appeal to me that is has in previous times of stress, and I'm going to bed with 2-4 points left over at the end of most days right now.  So instead of the usual, "C, you're looking great!  I can tell you've lost weight!" with smiles on their faces, I've gotten "C., you're looking very thin..." with concern on their faces...  I don't have any real intention to be losing this quickly, and I recognize that my current rate of weight loss isn't ideal.  That being said, everything I've read about grieving says that weight loss is a pretty common side effect for people going through what I am.  So, I'm just going to be kind to myself and see what happens for now...

I met with a personal trainer at the gym today.  Her name is Angie and I think I like her. :)  I have taken lots of group fitness classes that she has taught, so I'm looking forward to getting to know her better one-on-one.  Today we met to discuss my goals and history.  I have asked to focus on establishing a self-led weight training workout that I can learn to do on my own at the gym or at home.  I know I get enough cardio through step aerobics, and have free access to treadmills and elliptical machines, so I would really like to be able to work on toning on my off days.  Our first appointment is the 28th.  I will be sure to take some new "before" pictures so I can mark my progress. :)

We will be celebrating Thanksgiving Day with my Aunt and cousins this year.  We will drive to their home.  My aunt is cooking the turkey and I am responsible for the sides.  I will be preparing green bean casserole, cauliflower mashed potatoes, an autumn salad, and mini pumpkin pies.  All Weight Watchers recipes, of course.  I will share them with you in the next few days.  I hope you all have families to to spend Thanksgiving with.  God knows I'm so thankful for the outlet you all have given to me...

And you can too...

Don't ever give up.  Ever.

Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Life goes on...

And time goes on...

I'm just completing my second day in a row of being back on track food wise, looking forward to making tomorrow day 3.  I also am planning on going to weigh in at my local WW tomorrow, which seems to help too (or at least it has in the past.)  I feel better already, just being back in control.

I like how my body is looking lately.  Even though I've been eating poorly (and too much) for the past 3 weeks, I didn't stop going to step aerobics.  I really love that class.  It's only twice a week though.  ...I've asked if Santa might be able to bring me a step for my living room and an instructional DVD or two, but it still won't be the same as being in the class with the music and other people.  There's just a vibe that happens for me, I have to focus completely on the step and the foot work and the pattern, and before I know it, everything else melts away and I am KILLIN' it in class, keeping up with all the advanced moves.  Puts pep in my step. :o)

I realized today that this time last year I was weighing in at 193.  My weight this morning was 186.  That means I've lost 7 lbs over the course of this year that stuck.  I'm proud of that...with any  luck, I'll be able to say about the same thing next year, and maybe the year after that too.  Slow and steady (mostly) wins the race...

The temperature is cooling here and I'm loving soup (Atlanta Bread Co. French Onion, 2pts) and hot tea  (from my mom's kitchen, 0pts)...

My 5th wedding anniversary was last weekend.  We had planned a trip to Charleston, but we've already missed so much work this month, and I couldn't have left my mom by herself anyway.  So this year we celebrated quickly and quietly together with promises of a camping get-away before Christmas.  This was taken in October. :)


Thank you all for your loving support and kindness.